There are some things your best friend won’t tell you. As I’ve mentioned before, your coach is not your friend. I don’t mean that to sound cold. It doesn’t mean your coach doesn’t like you. The only way we are not going to get along is if you don’t try. It means your coach can be objective. There are things you may want to work out with your coach that you don’t necessarily want to share with your best friend or your sister or your mother. Your coach doesn’t come with any prejudgments. We want you to succeed. We are here to support you and give you the tough, unbiased feedback that you deserve. Just as there are things you don’t want to discuss with friends, there are things your friends and family don’t want to have to tell you.
Here are 9 things your best friend won’t tell you but your coach will.
“I don’t like your boyfriend.”
Your friend may want to tell you this but doesn’t know how. The guy you are with isn’t the one. Just because all your other friends are getting married, or you feel like you’re running out of time doesn’t mean that Mr. Now is Mr. Right. Don’t panic and jump into a relationship just to be in a relationship. A coach will be able to pick up on clues that your stormy relationship may be the result of other areas of your life that need attention.
“Invest in yourself.”
If you feel like all of your friends are more successful than you or earn more money than you, perhaps you need to boost your skill level. You’re not going to get promoted, or be able to buy a house, or take a dream vacation if you haven’t earned it. Chances are your friends have things because they’ve worked hard to attain them. You can too, if you make the time for yourself, and realize your best investment will be you.
“You complain but then you don’t take action.”
Even your bestest of friends will get tired of hearing you complain about work or your boyfriend or your finances or your weight or _____ (fill in the blank) when you never do anything to change. Stop whining and start making a plan. Take action instead of complaining.
“I’m afraid I’m going to lose you.”
When we go through personal changes, we start to see fear arise in our family and friends. We would expect this if we were falling down a dark path, like using drugs or something destructive. But it happens even when we are making positive changes like losing weight, working out, living healthy, changing jobs, you name it. They expect you to fulfill a certain role for them. You’re the friend who is always there for them but now you’re busy taking power walks and going to yoga class. Your coach will tell you that you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own. Your friends will catch up. And if they don’t, maybe they weren’t the friends you thought they were.
“You don’t need me.”
If you’re the type of person who likes to work out her own issues, sometimes friends can feel hurt that you never share or lean on them for support, let alone seek out a coach instead of talking to them. If you want support, ask for it. If you can’t go it alone, definitely reach out. But if you don’t want that, don’t feel obligated to ask for your friend’s advice or assistance. Some of us like to sort out our own stuff.
“It’s not OK that you’re always late.”
A late person is an unorganized person. People don’t want to hear your excuses as to why you are late. They don’t care if you missed the bus or there was traffic or you couldn’t find your keys. They just know you were late, and you didn’t care enough to make it on time. Chronic lateness stems from a different problem. It’s not traffic, it’s the way you are showing up in the world.
“Please buy some real clothes.”
While there are all kinds of cute yoga pants and workout clothes on the market, there is a time and place for such attire. Going to yoga is one of them. Hanging around the house could be one of those times too. Meeting your friends at a restaurant? Definitely not. Work? Never. Running errands outside in the world? Nope. Buy some real clothes that fit and flatter your figure as it is now. The time to look good is now. Looking good will make you feel good about yourself, boost your self-esteem, and get you out into the world.
“Don’t act dumb.”
Your friends know you are smart but then they see you playing down your intelligence in front of men, or at work, or in social situations. When did it become socially unacceptable to be intelligent? There is a disturbing trend in America where people are shamed for being too smart. No one wants to fail, but they only show themselves to be just smart enough to get by. Don’t hide your light because you think it’s not cool to be too smart. Be the smartest woman in the room. Be the knowledgable woman your friend knows you to be. Outshine the mediocrity.
It sounds corny coming from your friend and you may feel embarrassed by the light and attention. But people love you for your beauty as well as your imperfections. These things make you who you are. The people who love you know your true beauty, even if they are too shy to tell you.
Do you want to add to this list of things your best friend won’t tell you, but your coach will? Tell me in the comments.
Yes yes yes! I think the key point here is “fulfilling a role.” We want to believe our friendships last forever, but people change, and their relationship needs change.
Yes, when we change it can make the people around us uncomfortable. And they’ll either learn to catch up to the new you, or they risk getting left behind. It sounds harsh but sometimes we outgrow our friends.