I went through the Starbucks drive-thru the other day and ordered my standard non-fat latte. I got halfway home before I realized they gave me a sweet chai latte. I turned around and went through the line again and said, “I’m sorry but this is not what I ordered.” They were very polite and replaced my drink quickly.
But then I got to thinking, what am I apologizing for? I didn’t make the mistake. I was inconvenienced and I’m entitled to what I ordered.
Women spend a lot of time apologizing, usually for things that are not necessary. How often do we find ourselves saying, “Oh, I’m sorry” when you don’t really need to. It’s a habit that we need to break.
When growing up most of us were taught that little girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. Well, we’re not little girls anymore. We’re women. And we don’t need to apologize for things that are not our fault, or for being who we are.
I understand that we don’t want people to feel bad. But it’s important to stop doing this.
It ends up reinforcing our insecurities:
Don’t make waves.
Don’t speak out of turn.
Think of others before yourself.
Of course there are times when you should apologize. When you are wrong, for example, or if you do something mean, make a mistake, hurt someone.
But it’s become a habit to needlessly apologize for who we are.
Here is a list of things I will not apologize for:
Driving the Speed Limit
I recently moved to New Jersey and I am shocked by the lack of driving skills. I hate to generalize about an entire community, but the tailgating is ridiculous and dangerous. As a former automotive journalist I am an experienced driver. I know the rules of the road. I know what makes a good driver. I know how easily tailgating can cause accidents. I’m not sorry for wanting to be safe. So back off.
My Love of Makeup
I adore makeup and I enjoy wearing makeup. I watch YouTube tutorials to learn new techniques from makeup artists. I collect Chanel eye shadow quads. I spend $30 on mascara, and I don’t care who knows it. Sometimes women frown on other women who spend time putting on lipstick. Not my problem.
My Never-Ending Good Mood
I am a naturally happy person. There isn’t much that gets me down. I’ve had things happen in my life where I needed time to grieve. But day-to-day living is a joy for me. I don’t let the day’s stresses get to me. My good mood can annoy people who love to wallow in stress. Not sorry.
My Late Nights
I’m a night owl, always have been. I love to stay up way past everyone has gone to bed. It’s my alone time. I read or binge-watch television shows. I often do my best writing at night. I don’t believe you have to force yourself to be a morning person to be successful. Don’t like my schedule? Don’t care.
I want to get it right, whether that means I need customer service in a store, or I’m learning how to do something new. If you’re behind me in line at the store, I’m not apologizing for getting there first and having needs. Don’t interrupt me. Wait your turn. And no I’m not sorry.
Having Nice Things
I like luxury purses. I love jackets and strive to collect a quality classic jacket each year. Luxury doesn’t alway mean expensive. I’m just as happy buying vintage as I am brand new. If my Ferragamo shoes make you uncomfortable, so be it. I work hard for what I have, and I pay my own way.
My Work Ethic
I’m not always available. I have goals and I work hard at them. I’ve learned not to overdo it. I know my limits. And I now work for myself. My life as an entrepreneur doesn’t mean I’m home doing nothing. I don’t always have time to chat. I have a schedule and I stick to it. Make an appointment.
I’m in business to make money. I will not apologize for my prices. My services are worth it. I offer plenty of free content on my blog. My private coaching sessions are not overly expensive. I’m not one of those coaches who charges you $20,000 for a one-day session with me in Paris. I want to help you and I expect a fair wage.
Telling Someone When They’re Wrong
How often do we get the wrong food in a restaurant and say, “I’m sorry, this is not my order,” or “I’m sorry, I asked for this well done.” What are we apologizing for? It’s not our mistake. Of course, I’ll be gracious about it, but I don’t need to apologize for someone else’s mistake.
I’m smart. I’m educated. I continue to educate myself and I enjoy learning. At the risk of being called a smarty pants, I freely share my knowledge. If my brains offend you or make you feel uncomfortable, that’s your problem not mine. A man would never feel the urge to apologize for knowing the answer, why should we?
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own point of view. I respect your opinion but I don’t need to share it.
This has been life changing for me. It reinforces my belief that I am worth it.
I am never rude to people. I’m not a complainer. I move through this world just as you do, and deserve the same treatment. I won’t apologize for my existence. This is a big hurdle that most women have a hard time getting over.
Some people may be offended by this post. But I’m not sorry.
We don’t need to apologize. We also don’t need to explain why we want what we want.
Take note of how many times you needlessly apologize each day. What are you going to stop apologizing for?